Insomnia

0 comments Posted by spiderdj82 at 2:25 AM


It's a new day and new attitude. I am not going to apologize for my last post because what I wrote is how I was feeling that day, and why apologize for your feelings?!?


Anywhoo....it is currently 5:30am and I haven't been able to fall asleep, so I am watching "The Dark Knight" and drinking generic Mr. Pibb (I drink what father buys). I really like this movie, but I don't think it is as amazing as almost everyone makes it out to be. Honestly, if it wasn't for Heath Ledger, this movie would not have been nearly has good. Also, I much prefer Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal in the role of Racheal. But, still, it is a great movie that I thoroughly enjoy.


So, 3 more days until Christmas. Honestly, I am not a big fan of Christmas. I know, I know - DJ is such a Scrooge. But, every year at least one argument breaks out either between my parents prior to the trip to my grandmothers or from other family members during the Christmas party. Really, I would rather just stay home, order a pizza, and watch movies. But, unfortunately, it would be more problems that it's worth if I don't go. So, I suck it up and fake a smile.


On to some positive points......I am madly in love with British television. Some shows that I HIGHLY recommend are: "Life On Mars," "Ashes to Ashes," "MI-5," "Coupling," "The IT Crowd," "Doctor Who" (of course), "Jekyll," "Keeping Up Appearances," and many more. Just like music in general, I have come to realize that I prefer the British over American when it comes to entertainment.


Even though I don't personally like Christmas, I still want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. May Santa bring you all that you desire.


Until next time....


 

The Rope Is About To Break

3 comments Posted by spiderdj82 at 6:07 PM


As I sit here and munch on a store bought pumpkin pie and typing on this here blog, I am watching "Julie & Julia." All I have to say is that it is an AMAZING movie (well, the Julia part anyway) and I really wish I could have met this woman. If she was anything like the way she is portrayed brilliantly by Meryl Streep, than I wish I could have met this broad. According to her husband, Julia said, "This is hotter than a stiff cock," in regards to picking a cannelloni noodle out of boiling water by her hand. FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!

Also, I would love to have a relationship with someone like Julia had with her husband. What a beautiful relationship, if what was portrayed in the movie is true.

 Now, for the expected downturn of mood. I checked my bank account balance earlier and I am in the negative. Not by a little, but a pretty good deal. Why? Because I don't get that much money at all and my car payment was taken out, which is $146 plus my phone bill of $78. My unemployment paycheck is only $200, which, if you add the two bills together, is over that amount. So, I was in the negative but then the next week my car insurance was taken out which put me BACK in the negative after the check was deposited into my account. The next week, another $146 was taken out for a car payment. Again, back in the negative even more. Then you have the $25-30 bank fee. I have no clue how I am going to get through this. My parents don't have money to help me, because they are having problems of their own. I hate living here but I can't move because I can't stay out of the fucking negative due to my bills I have accrued during the time of having a job and getting over 2x a week more than what I am making now. Life fucking sucks!

In the meantime, I have decided to stray away from the idea of moving out of the state until around June/July of next year. I need to save money (HA!) and try to get back on my feet a bit before venturing to a new state and life. I am trying to convince my step grandfather to let me live with them near Rock Hill, SC, where I can get two part time jobs and take my science class to FINALLY get my bachelor's degree. I haven't applied to any jobs up there yet because, without a place to stay, there is no point in having a job there. Also, there is no point in applying for jobs here, because my dad is looking for other employment in Rock Hill, so if they move, I have to move with them. Ugh, I don't know what I am going to do.

To tell you the truth, reading comments in Facebook and Twitter make me want to burst out crying. People keep putting how they are going on vacation......going shopping......going to see movies......hanging out with friends......being in shows......hell, just living life. Why can't I have that? I know people say (ad nauseam, I must add) that life is what you make of it. That is very true. BUT, unfortunately, money makes the world go 'round and you have to have it to "have a life." Some may wave their hand at that comment, but it's true. To get anywhere, you have to have money for gas; You have to have gas to drive your car; You have to have a car to go places; You have to have money to do majority of things, etc. Hell, even going downtown just to walk around, you have to have money to pay for either the parking meters or to park in a parking garage.

I know people are trying to comfort me by saying that everything will get better and life could be worse (both are very true statements), but, honestly, saying these things to someone in the middle of a shit storm is like giving an ipod to a deaf person. Great gesture from the person, but ultimately not going to help. That may sound evil and bitchy, but it's the truth. What I am going through may not seem like a big deal to some that are battling cancer or losing their homes, but to me, it seems like it's the end of the world. I just want to know when I am going to catch a break!?!? For two years now, I have lost a wife, a home, a job, a great friend (we are still friends but no where as close as we once were), and I am broke as hell. I am honestly not ready for life to throw another thing at me. I am barely keeping it together as it is and I'm becoming more and more secluded from my friends because I can't face hearing them talk about how great their lives are going. Also, I can barely hold back the tears. In fact, I am crying as I type this. Come on life....give me something soon that will make me happy, because I feel that I deserve at least something small.

Well, "Julie & Julia" is over and now I have to find something else to watch.

Until next time.......

 

It's Been Awhile

0 comments Posted by spiderdj82 at 5:32 PM


Wow, it's been forever since I have updated this thing. Currently, I am sitting at my grandparent's house watching "Survivor." First off, I don't watch this show because these ignorant people get on my nerves. The only reason I am doing it now is because they only have one television in the house with only, about, 5 channels and they are watching it.


Tomorrow, is Ian's (the baby) funeral. I still haven't seen a picture of Ian yet. My sister was pregnant with him for only 7 months before giving premature birth to him. Apparently, her cervix wasn't strong enough to hold him because she started giving birth to him while sitting at home. So sad. Right now, she is running all over the place, and I don't think it has hit her yet, but when it does, it's going to hit HARD.


As soon as the funeral is over, I am going to head back home. It's really sad to say, but the less time I spend with my family, the better it is. So far, I have been able to avoid any arguments and I want to keep it that way. Fo' Sho'.


I need a job ASAP. This unemployment check is not cutting it at all. AT ALL! I have absolutely no money for anything. I mean, I can barely pay my car payment, phone bill, and car insurance. Let's not even talk about doctor's bills because those suckers are not getting paid at all. I know they are affecting my credit, but there is really nothing I can do right now. I am going to keep applying for jobs and just hope for the best, ya know?!? The Ohio move is not going to happen for a good while. I am trying to get a job in Rock Hill and, hopefully, live with my grandparents until my parents move up here. Ugh!