As I sit here and munch on a store bought pumpkin pie and typing on this here blog, I am watching "Julie & Julia." All I have to say is that it is an AMAZING movie (well, the Julia part anyway) and I really wish I could have met this woman. If she was anything like the way she is portrayed brilliantly by Meryl Streep, than I wish I could have met this broad. According to her husband, Julia said, "This is hotter than a stiff cock," in regards to picking a cannelloni noodle out of boiling water by her hand. FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!
Also, I would love to have a relationship with someone like Julia had with her husband. What a beautiful relationship, if what was portrayed in the movie is true.
Now, for the expected downturn of mood. I checked my bank account balance earlier and I am in the negative. Not by a little, but a pretty good deal. Why? Because I don't get that much money at all and my car payment was taken out, which is $146 plus my phone bill of $78. My unemployment paycheck is only $200, which, if you add the two bills together, is over that amount. So, I was in the negative but then the next week my car insurance was taken out which put me BACK in the negative after the check was deposited into my account. The next week, another $146 was taken out for a car payment. Again, back in the negative even more. Then you have the $25-30 bank fee. I have no clue how I am going to get through this. My parents don't have money to help me, because they are having problems of their own. I hate living here but I can't move because I can't stay out of the fucking negative due to my bills I have accrued during the time of having a job and getting over 2x a week more than what I am making now. Life fucking sucks!
In the meantime, I have decided to stray away from the idea of moving out of the state until around June/July of next year. I need to save money (HA!) and try to get back on my feet a bit before venturing to a new state and life. I am trying to convince my step grandfather to let me live with them near Rock Hill, SC, where I can get two part time jobs and take my science class to FINALLY get my bachelor's degree. I haven't applied to any jobs up there yet because, without a place to stay, there is no point in having a job there. Also, there is no point in applying for jobs here, because my dad is looking for other employment in Rock Hill, so if they move, I have to move with them. Ugh, I don't know what I am going to do.
To tell you the truth, reading comments in Facebook and Twitter make me want to burst out crying. People keep putting how they are going on vacation......going shopping......going to see movies......hanging out with friends......being in shows......hell, just living life. Why can't I have that? I know people say (ad nauseam, I must add) that life is what you make of it. That is very true. BUT, unfortunately, money makes the world go 'round and you have to have it to "have a life." Some may wave their hand at that comment, but it's true. To get anywhere, you have to have money for gas; You have to have gas to drive your car; You have to have a car to go places; You have to have money to do majority of things, etc. Hell, even going downtown just to walk around, you have to have money to pay for either the parking meters or to park in a parking garage.
I know people are trying to comfort me by saying that everything will get better and life could be worse (both are very true statements), but, honestly, saying these things to someone in the middle of a shit storm is like giving an ipod to a deaf person. Great gesture from the person, but ultimately not going to help. That may sound evil and bitchy, but it's the truth. What I am going through may not seem like a big deal to some that are battling cancer or losing their homes, but to me, it seems like it's the end of the world. I just want to know when I am going to catch a break!?!? For two years now, I have lost a wife, a home, a job, a great friend (we are still friends but no where as close as we once were), and I am broke as hell. I am honestly not ready for life to throw another thing at me. I am barely keeping it together as it is and I'm becoming more and more secluded from my friends because I can't face hearing them talk about how great their lives are going. Also, I can barely hold back the tears. In fact, I am crying as I type this. Come on life....give me something soon that will make me happy, because I feel that I deserve at least something small.
Well, "Julie & Julia" is over and now I have to find something else to watch.
Until next time.......
3 comments:
I don't know if this shows up as being by "brojoghost" or "scaramanx" but it's both the same.
I read your blog entry, and it brought back real memories of when I waited for meager unemployment checks for half of 2008. I wish I could give you a big bearhug and not let go of you until the tears are dry. I always wish you the best.
-John
I wish you could too. I need a hug now more than ever and I have no one to give them to me
Life IS what you make of it. It really is. You're preaching to the choir on the unemployment front. I get $238 a week. I PAY RENT. I pay for the phone bill, the cable bill, the electric (which is NOT cheap by any means) on top of that. And I live in the tri state area. Oh yeah, and I still need to eat and put gas in my car. My unemployment just about covers my rent.
But Im getting by. Nobody is helping me. My friends are understanding, when we go out, that I'll probably just drink water, or that we need to go some place with free parking and no cover.
There are a million things you can do for FREE, you just have to look.
I could easily wallow. I could easily complain and be sad and hate my life. But it's not going to change my situation. Yeah, it's stressful as all get out. I've only been on a few interviews in the months I've been out of work and nothing has come to fruition yet. But it's not the end of the world. It could be a lot worse. I have my health and my friends and family. I have a ROOF over my head - no matter how difficult it is to keep it there.... You do too... and that's a lot more than a lot of people can say.
Don't let the fact that your parents may move keep you from looking for a job. You may find something. You may, even if they move, be able to support yourself and be on your own. Just keep looking. The WORST thing you can do is not put yourself out there, not apply for jobs and not interview. You have to be persistent.
It will get better. And as much as it sucks you CAN improve your own outlook, which will in turn, improve how you're feeling.
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